Maybe 'Walloped' for 'Wizened' and 'Sky' for 'Sere'

Greetings to Stan--we sent a letter about a month ago, hope it came to him.

Loving the poetry and--literarally--the symposium that localizes each 'thread' (that's blog speak--the forums that organically weave a wonderful tapestry). And while I'm on the technical side of things, please know I sighted/cited deviantART as the potential iceberg it is, but the home pages are rather tame; there are shields for 'mature content' and plenty of banality, but the point of the site is to share work through some filter regime, a la wikipedia. We'll steer clear of the dark sides of icebergs, I'm sure!

Some feedback: I'd like to call your poem, Mom, "the arms of the bay" or "beyond..."--like that line very much. I wonder if we can exploit the Spanish of Puerta Vallarta, which I think translates 'port fortress', begging questions about the protection of the land or sea. For the line "No respecter of aged or babes in the cradle", how would "Absconder" or "Marauder" fit to personify the tsunami wave even more--both betray a disdain or disinterest to any respect. Glad you found the barnacled rock, or it found you!

Jon, I love the launch of the 'wandering Jew', the 'Ancient Mariner' that must keep queries viable. You suggest that the poem is unfinished--did you want to fulfill a 12-11-11-12 scheme? If so, I played with these two lines to extend the 10 lines of the final stanza:

And whatever still waters the
wizened world, rainbows emerge in the sere.

Maybe 'walloped' for 'wizened' and 'sky' for 'sere', but anyway, that gives the dozen lines if quantity is what you were figuring. Otherwise, I don't know what necessarily is unfinished! Evocative poem--I imagined the soldiers flailing through the water, with split-second cognizance amidst the inevitable surge of adrenaline.

A brief word about 'Codex Orange', which will definitely require a better title. I thought about setting this play in Stillwater, but wanted it in a more suburban locale (a Columbine corollary); Golden Valley gives some subtle remove from aquatic imagery, an 'Elysium Fields' that may belie the fateful turns of any odyssey. Of course I don't want Hummels as a point of reference (or my Concordia friends Heidi and Sue Licke, who attended Golden Valley Community College), but I at least can visualize this suburb better than, for instance, Blaine. And the GVPD for the police department conducting the terrorism simulation reminds us a bit of the ever-famous NYPD, so that has some intentionality. The hardest part so far is setting a style--Shakespeare's iambic pentameter may not reflect how common people talk, but it sure helps rhythm, pace and efficient diction; replicating how 'common people' talk--i.e., honoring verisimilitude--is both easy and empty-feeling. I don't want to non-fictionalize this idea, but the premise sort of forces a polemical or representational direction. I'm going to plow ahead without too much preoccupation, but early returns will inevitably disappoint. We'll see...

BBC will have a series next week on 'My Nation Speaks'--the poetry coming out of select countries. ISP will have a 'poetry slam' evening March 25, depending on how many students sign up to perform and attend. I'll certainly offer my 'Newtly Haiku' and perhaps the 'Ballad of Star-Crossed Lovers', i.e., Rosaline, the Uzbek girl living in Turkmenistan. Jon, you've seen this fledgling song--it still needs work, but is now entrenched in a guitar riff.

Kids are home from play-dates, so I'll hit send. Keep up the symposium (on the fitful tides of the Pacific) or the symposia (on any new thread).

love,
Dan