Precedence

In light of the events that have transpired in Steubenville, Ohio of late, I am compelled, not to comment so much on the event itself--we're inundated with it, worldwide--but to reflect upon our society and culture, such as it is.

My heart goes out--certainly to the unnamed West Virginian girl so severely victimized one night last August--but also to the extremely misguided high school football players in focus during this trial. There were two on trial, but so many more involved with the sickening acts that took place at a sequence of parties that night. But yes, my heart does go out to the young man who, upon hearing the deserved judgment, broke down and cried 'my life is over'... My heart also goes out to this small town that has to figure out how to move forward in a positive direction from this horrendous spotlight, and hopefully not attempting to twist perception in favor of any part of what was wrong with this turn of events, but to rise up and rebuild a foundation that would not condone the destructive, thoughtless "culture" that led to that awful August night.

I'm not interested in pointing fingers, playing the blame game,...God knows there's always enough of that to go around, and especially in a case like this. But for this moment, I'll try to put myself in the shoes of any parents of those kids that were so thoughtlessly, carelessly involved in the events of that night. And immediately, what I've likely been feeling since those events came to light was a growing sense of emptiness in the pit of my stomach, the gnawing question plaguing me... 'Where did I go wrong?' My hope is that I can quickly stop internalizing these emotions to be able to humbly, lovingly stand beside my child, whose hell is only just beginning.

Since I am not one of those parents, all I can do for them is pray, and hope that the right people are in place to reach out to them and their children, and to help them understand what it means to value life and to take responsibility wherever we can to uphold the precious blessings we have in our lives and through the lives of all others God places around us. This IS my prayer being raised to God at this moment. In this there is penitence as their needs to be for what we have done that does not uphold life as God wills for us. But as importantly, there is renewed focus, beyond the mire we so often find ourselves in, and toward THE LIGHT, the SOURCE of LIFE, the flawless example of LOVE we can only fully know through God.

And this is the answer I know I can always rest on and within which I will continue to grow, spiritually.

But this will not be everyone's answer...at least not now, not in the moment. Those kids, their parents, that town,...yes, our society as a whole, needs to ask and answer the question...'Where did we go wrong?' And when you think about it, this is the Lenten question in general that makes Holy Week and Christ's victory on the cross that much more meaningful. So much to say on this, but for now, back to Steubenville...

What was it that led to the events of those parties that allowed this girl to be treated so horrendously? What was it that created an atmosphere of celebration and hilarity at this girl's expense? And what caused the events to be photogged and videotaped for posterity as if this was something to hold on to and worse, to share irrevocably with the rest of the world? And what provokes a community to then deny wrongdoing on the part of its own, even in spite of all evidence that can only be considered undeniable?

Rewind...what was it that led to the tacit approval of these parties? The purchase of the alcohol? The idea to lace someone's beverage with sedatives? The pervasive attitudes that these behaviors are acceptable? The sense of entitlement that all too dismissively, unrestrictedly allows that 'kids will be kids'...even to extremes such as these?

Where did we go wrong? There's no simple answer to this--a wide array of factors are involved. But it's safe to say that influences exert themselves on our kids from the moment they're conceived. And because of this, parenting, then, is the most important job in the world! Everything starts for our kids at home, first in the mother's embodiment of a child's first home and then in the larger home and family structure that helps that child build in their understanding of love, of nurture, of grace, of relationships, of responsibility,...of values,...of divinity.

Yes, being a mom or dad IS the most important responsibility we can take on. It's also the hardest, most challenging job we can have, and potentially, with wisdom, grace, and love, the most fulfilling, most enriching job. And yes, we, as parents, drop the ball, but like any other moment, we are given opportunities to let our kids know that our mistakes offer a chance to learn and grow together, accepting each other for who we are in spite of our flaws, and to take joy, energy, and inspiration in the light we are each specially given by God.

The cautionary point that every parent should be constantly aware of is that the moment we lose our focus on our kids and the blessing they are to us, and the responsibility we have over them... The moment we give in to our being too tired to listen, too busy to share, too distracted to laugh, too overwhelmed to console, too preoccupied to guide--these moments, built up, aggregately lend toward our kids removing themselves from us and any notion that we care, and into compromised situations such as those kids in the Steubenville area found themselves.

We can't entirely control how our kids grow up--more and more, there will be outside influences in their lives that will have their impact; and hopefully, they will value our input enough to regularly seek our counsel regarding these external influences. That takes work and focus, but the joy in knowing that they continue to look to us in this way is immeasurable. Perhaps one of the best things we can teach our kids through our own example is encapsulated in one of Pope John Paul II's teachings: “Never tire of firmly speaking out in defense of life from its conception and do not be deterred from the commitment to defend the dignity of every human person with courageous determination. Christ is with you: be not afraid!”

If Christ and the love Christ has for all of us becomes the guiding influence for our kids as it is for us, we'll find that we won't have to spend gut-wrenching moments on questions like 'Where did we go wrong?' Pray for Christ's presence with those parents and leaders around Steubenville who've been battling with that question for more than half a year now. May God's love and grace fill them and lift them and their kids beyond this mire.