2 poems from Uncle Beep

The Metamorphic Bluebill

Greg Elstad shot a Bluebill Duck one cold and windy day.

            At least he thot he did.

It came down hard—made quite a splash!—then in pristine beauty lay

snow white belly gleaming in the setting sun’s last ray.

(The Bluebill is Greg’s favorite bird: the prey for which he’d pray.)

Greg paddled out, picked up the duck, and saw with some dismay

            it had a pointy beak!

“Now I’ve really gone astray.

            This is not a Bluebill. It’s a Fish Duck!

And a Fish Duck in my game bag is really NOT Okay!!”

What else COULD he say?

Greg paused there, thinking (while his Fish Duck

kept on stinking) what his hunting friends would bray:

            “He’s lost his mind!”

            “He must be blind!”

            “He’s not our kind!”

“At least, from now on he must pay

strict attention to the species of the ducks that fly his way!”

Greg next thot, “Could I revive this duck so it could swim away?”

            But the duck was far too dead for that.

Escape was not a game the duck could any longer play.

Greg’s remaining hope was to tuck his duck into the muck

So deep that it would stay.

            That didn’t work.

Up thru the muck the duck unstuck to resume its late array.

The only change? Now the duck was tinted gray.

At last, Greg had an inspiration!

            “I’ll claim I shot this Mergus* Duck for public education!

            I’ll have it stuffed and write a plaque

AND PUT IT ON DISPLAY!!!”

*Actually Murgus merganser americanus, more commonly known as the American Merganser.

Fred

He’s a big guy

            6’, 2” high.

His name is Fred.

Carol is the love of his life

            And for 47 years, his wife.

Fred is smooth shaven; never furry.

            Always laid back; never in a hurry.

Retired printer; retired guard.

            Even working security he was never hard.

In High School Fred was a champion swimmer with local acclaim.

Now Fred is a master fisherman with much local fame.

            His sign says it all:

“Fish tremble when they hear Fred’s name!”

Father of two, grandfather of three;

            His grandchildren get one dollar per day for free.

Most important: Fred is a devout Christian.

            His favorite saying:

            “The best is yet to come!”

                                                                                                —Greg Elstad